In the Shrink's Chair
by The Alien Marauder
Summary: Your favorite Roswellians visit a shrink!
1. Introduction

When Our Favorite Roswellians Visit a Shrink  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, though I wish that Jason Behr was mine! He's so hot!  
  
Author's Note: Although I am not writing this with anyone, I am a good friend with the author of "Days of Our Bob." Please, bombard her with reviews and urgings to FINALLY FINISH BOB!!!!!! It's a great story!!!!!!!!  
  
Summary: Each of own favorite Roswellians visits this shrink. Although it is very unlikely that they would spill their guts to a stranger (ie: Max in Skin and Bones), it would be fun to see what they would have to say if they did.  
  
Author's Note: Pretend that Alex never dies (cuz he RULES!!) but Tess is still a treacherous *****!  
  
  
  
Chapter One: Introduction  
  
I sighed. I love my job, even though most of my family think that I'm crazy for having an occupation where I listen to other people's problems…I had enough problems of my own. I'm a single mother with twin children who are in their "terrible two's." Their so-called father never pays any child support leaving me to survive in an absurd town that thrives on extraterrestrial sightings.  
  
Which is pretty messed up to begin with. I don't mind really, living in a wacky town, it only means more clients for me, a psychiatrist AKA the shrink. I mean, I must have heard at least a thousand stories of alien abductions or UFO sightings my first year in this weird town. And I've been here for at least five years. However, I was not prepared for my next several clients.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It started out as a normal day; I arrived at my office around nine-thirty after dropping my kids off in daycare. Before going into my office, I scanned the list of clients that I was seeing today, which were oddly enough, all high schoolers. Isabel Evans, Elizabeth Parker, Kyle Valenti, Maria DeLuca, Alex Whitman, Tess Harding (A/N: DIE PIG WOMAN!!!), Michael Guerin, and Max Evans.  
  
Okay, normal teenage problems, with your friends not liking you, or not fitting in, or some soap opera love, right? I was confident that I would be able to solve all of their problems. I wouldn't have been further from the truth.  
  
Author's Note: Like the plot? Please, review and I'll review your stories! If you are a Tess lover ::shudders at the thought:: I don't suggest reading the rest of this…just go back to the main menu and forget that this fic is even here! I need some suggestions on who else that this shrink could advise…Valenti? Amy DeLuca? Sean DeLuca? Nasedo? Brody? The possibilities are endless! 


	2. Isabel Evans

In the Shrink's Chair: Isabel Evans  
  
Promptly at eleven o'clock, a tall, blonde teenager arrived in my office. Looking at this beauty, I quickly prepared myself for the usual teen angst…friends…school……guys. Mentally preparing myself for the normal teen sob story, I invited this young woman to sit down in the shrink's chair.  
  
"Well, I really don't know why I'm here," Isabel began. I tried not to roll my eyes; all teens start that way.  
  
"Just tell me what's on your mind" I told her, trying to be reassuring. "Whatever you have to tell me, it's nothing that I haven't heard before.  
  
She looked at me, unconvinced.  
  
"Look, I've had stories from people about their toasters trying to kill them to aliens abducting them." I chuckled, "I know that it's Roswell but the story kind of gets repetitive after a while."  
  
"Can I trust you to not tell anyone?" she asked, unconvinced  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I'm an alien."  
  
I almost fell out of my chair. This beats all stories about abduction. An alien! I must be hallucinating! All right, I told myself, no more cedar oil from the Mrs. DeLuca's store for you! (A/N: I don't think that Amy DeLuca sells cedar oil, but it's my fic so oh well!)  
  
"Okay, for about how long have you known that you were an alien?" I asked cautiously, still convinced that Isabel needed to be admitted into a mental institution.  
  
"I've known my whole life. When I was a young child, I emerged from my pod."  
  
Pod? Whoa, wait a minute, this story sounds familiar. "Are you sure you're not thinking about the story Thumbelina?" I asked.  
  
She glared at me…not a good sign.  
  
"Yes I'm sure! My brother and his best friend are aliens too." Okay, by this point, I am mentally recalling the phone number for Roswell's Crazy House.  
  
I decide to humor her for a while to determine if she should be put in the insane section or the full-fledged wack-job-loop-dee-loop-no-marbles-left- empty-head-no-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-a-few-cans-short-of-a-six- pack section.  
  
"Why are you on our planet?" I questioned.  
  
"In a former life, we, my brother, my friend and I were royalty. My brother Max, was king and I was Princess Vilandra."  
  
Vilandra, what a name! What mother, alien or human, in their right mind would name a child Vilandra? It sounds like some foreign seductress!  
  
"Interesting name."  
  
"I betrayed my family. I fell in love with our enemy and turned my family over to him…Kivar"  
  
Okay, full-fledged wack-job-loop-dee-loop-no-marbles-left-empty-head-no-the- brightest-crayon-in-the-box-a-few-cans-short-of-a-six-pack section definitely needs to be called right now.  
  
"So, you and this guy sort of had a Romeo and Juliet thing going?"  
  
"No, that's my brother and his on-off-on-off girlfriend Liz."  
  
Huh? Did I just miss something here?  
  
"Your brother's girlfriend on your planet?"  
  
"No, Liz is his girlfriend on this planet. In the other life, he was married to Ava."  
  
"Ava?"  
  
"Yes, in this life her name is Tess." At this, Miss Evans shudders.  
  
"What's a matter with Tess?" I asked innocently.  
  
"Tess? EVERYTHING! She's a fake blonde bimbo who gives true blondes like yours truly a bad name! She screwed up our whole entire life! Tess comes to town and spouts prophecies and junk like that about DESTINY!" She took a deep breath and continued. "Destiny…I am so SICK of that word!" she yelled vehemently.  
  
I was scared stiff in my chair.  
  
"Tess ruined everything! All of our human-alien relationships down the drain! I miss Alex even though I'm too proud to tell him. I can NEVER be with Michael! Eww, going out with him would be like going out with Max! How could Max be with Tess? He loves Liz and even though she won't admit it, she loves him too. I don't care how much she protests, she loves him. I'm just sick and tired of watching their puppy dog lovesick pining stares at each other! I am sick of listening to the Counting Crows! I'm sick of Destiny! I'm sick of Tess! I'm sick of listening to Michael and Maria bicker, even though if there wasn't this stupid metal book with pictures of Michael and I together, they still would bicker!"  
  
Um, where's the cedar oil when you need it? I take it back, she doesn't belong in the wack-job-loop-dee-loop-no-marbles-left-empty-head-no-the- brightest-crayon-in-the-box-a-few-cans-short-of-a-six-pack section, there IS no section for this person or thing.  
  
"Well, that was interesting…but look at the time! My next client is due any minute now. It was a pleasure meeting you Miss Evans and I will see you soon."  
  
With a nod, she walked out just as confidently as she walked in. Then she turned around, "Oh, and one more thing, if you tell ANYONE about us being aliens, I know how to send you nightmares, my brother can set off any alarm, Tess, argh I hate that girl, can mindwarp you and Michael, who has killed a FBI agent can melt locks and give nasty rashes."  
  
Gulp. 


	3. Liz Parker

In the Shrink's Chair: Liz Parker  
  
Author's Note: Omg! Thank you so much for all the feedback! You guys are so amazing. I wasn't about to post for a long time, but you guys inspired me! I do need your opinion though, after I've done all the main characters, I'm thinking about couple counseling, you know, Max and Liz, Michael and Maria, Isabel and Alex, and maybe Amy DeLuca and Jim Valenti. Let me know what you think!  
  
Author's Note II: Alright, here it is, the finished third chapter.  
  
After the slightly different session with the alien princess, Isabel Evans, I prepared myself for the next client, a smart student named Liz Parker. Okay, Liz gets excellent grades and is on her way to Harvard…why does she need help? To me, the answer was clear, she was too stressed out with all of her schoolwork! A stressed teenager I could definitely handle.  
  
"Miss Liz Parker is here," announced my secretary.  
  
A petite brunette nervously walked into my office.  
  
"Miss Parker, welcome," I greeted, hoping to calm my nerves and have a normal stress session. Even an "I was abducted by an alien" session would be more relaxing than what was in store for me.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"So, what's on your mind?" I asked, hoping to break the ice.  
  
"Max." Was the simple answer.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Everyday, I promise myself not to think of him, but I do. I get up, think of Max, get dressed, think of Max, eat breakfast, think of Max, go to school, think of Max, work at the Crashdown, think of Max, do my homework, think of Max, eat dinner, think of Max, write in my journal, think of Max, take a shower, think of Max, get ready for bed, think of Max, go to sleep, dream of Max." she explained.  
  
I think that this type of thing was on All My Children no so long ago. Maybe this day won't be too bad after all; I get to see a real live soap opera…hmm, maybe it was in Days of Our Lives…we could rename it Days of Our Bob! (A/N: Please! FINISH BOB!!!!!)  
  
"So why don't you be with Max?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head. "That's impossible. We can't be together or else the whole world would end."  
  
Okay, rewind and back it up. I'm really confused.  
  
"The end of the world?"  
  
"His world and mine."  
  
His world and mine? Would that mean that…oh no, not another alien abduction thing.  
  
"Where is Max right now?" My guess is that this is her imaginary boyfriend but with the whole Roswell-alien-abduction theme.  
  
"He was outside picking up Isabel when I arrived."  
  
Isabel? As in Isabel Evans who I want to commit to the full-fledged wack- job-loop-dee-loop-no-marbles-left-empty-head-not-the-brightest-crayon-in- the-box-a-few-cans-short-of-a-six-pack section of the mental asylum? Uh- oh, then that would mean…  
  
"Max is an alien!" blurted out Liz. She then looked at me frantically.  
  
"It's okay, I just finished talking to Isabel…I know about the whole alien thing." And nothing that you could say will be as unbelievable as her story, I silently added.  
  
Liz looked relieved. "So I can talk to you about this?"  
  
"That's what I'm here for." Now, I ask myself, do I need to call the Roswell Crazy House and commit another teen to the full-fledged wack-job- loop-dee-loop-no-marbles-left-empty-head-not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the- box-a-few-cans-short-of-a-six-pack section?  
  
Liz took a deep breath and began her story.  
  
"It all started back in September of 1999. I work in the Crashdown Café with my best friend Maria. One day, I was shot in the stomach. I would have died, and sometimes wish I did…but then Max Evans saved me."  
  
Great…talk of suicide. I do not need another depressed teen.  
  
"You're life is worth living" I counseled.  
  
She looked at me, startled.  
  
"Oh no, I wasn't thinking about ending it…after all that has happened. Besides, I can't let pig woman chase after Max."  
  
"Max…"  
  
"Evans. My former boyfriend and eternal soulmate."  
  
Soulmate? Wasn't this some cheezy pop song? Max Evans…the alien? THIS "GIRL NEXT DOOR" FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ALIEN? Okay, so now that's two people for the full-fledged wack-job-loop-dee-loop-no-marbles-left-empty- head-not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box-a-few-cans-short-of-a-six-pack section of the Crazy House. Why, oh why couldn't this Max have been an imaginary friend? Then maybe, just maybe I would be able to show her the difference between reality and her imagination?  
  
I took a deep breath. "You're rather young to be thinking about soulmates…aren't you?"  
  
Liz looked at me strangely. "Well, Max and I actually got married in Las Vegas when we were nineteen."  
  
"So, you are married to him? But, it says in your files that you are only seventeen!"  
  
Now I've really got to call the Roswell Crazy house…this girl thinks that she's older than she really is…what next? Time travel? Is this "Back to the Future?"  
  
Liz looked at me sadly, "In another life, we were married at nineteen…but because of Tess, a pig woman, we can't be together or else the world will end."  
  
"You've already told me that."  
  
"Max has this whole other destiny with the pig woman."  
  
"Tess?"  
  
"Yes…everything was fine last year, Max and I were together and happy, for once…when SHE came!"  
  
Okay, Miss Perfect is getting upset and is starting to scare me.  
  
Liz looks really angry as she continues. "Tess mindwarped Max into thinking that he loved her. She made him kiss her right in front of me…of course he apologized later, but it still hurt. Then, after Max was tortured and tested by the FBI we found out that Max and Tess are meant to be together!"  
  
Tortured and tested? This girl has some imagination!  
  
"Explain what you mean by 'meant to be together'." I asked, curious to see what her mind would create next.  
  
"She had this metal book with writings in it and it showed them together…also, after activating the orbs, Max and Isabel's mother from their past lives told them that Tess was his young bride…argh…did I mention that I hated Tess?"  
  
Oh, yes, Miss Parker has quite an imagination. A tragic and violent imagination, but a creative one at that.  
  
"So," she continued, "I tried to ignore Max and tell him to be with Tess, his destiny, but he doesn't take no for an answer. Anyway, then Maria, my best friend, took Alex and me to a fortune teller. She told me that I would eventually end up with the one that I love…Max!"  
  
First of all, fortunetellers aren't up there in reliability, they're just people that pretend to know a happy future for you. (A/N: Please, no offense to all the fortunetellers out there!) Second, they ALWAYS tell you that you end up with a happy, love-filled life.  
  
"So when I got home, I was very happy…then, my world came crashing down. Max, from the future, arrived. He told me that I had to make the present version of Max fall out of love with me because if I didn't, the whole world would end."  
  
Okay, this really is "Back to the Future."  
  
"You've already told me several times that the whole world would end…why?"  
  
"Because as Max and I got closer, he pushed Tess the pig woman away and she eventually left Roswell."  
  
"Wouldn't that be a good thing?" I interrupted.  
  
"For a while, yes, it would be…but then the Skins came and they defeated Max, Michael, and Isabel because Tess was not with then to complete the unit."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
Liz started to cry. "I pretended to sleep with Kyle, my former boyfriend before Max. It hurt Max so bad when he saw us in my bed…I still have nightmares about it."  
  
Welcome to…the Twilight Zone! I'm getting a headache from all this past, present, and future talk…it reminds me of A Christmas Carol, only much weirder.  
  
"Why didn't the future version of Max go to the present version of Max?" Ha! See if you can talk yourself out of this one! Now, I can diagnose you as schizophrenic!  
  
"Because future Max told me that if he was to meet the present Max, they would both disappear."  
  
Darn…she has a really great imagination!  
  
"So now Max is upset with you?"  
  
"He really won't even look at me now…he's asked me a couple times if I really slept with Kyle and I keep having to tell him yes…I hate lying to him."  
  
"So, can you be together now?" This is way too confusing…I need a gin and tonic.  
  
"No, because the end of the world might still come!"  
  
Oh.  
  
"And Tess is still trying to be with Max which makes me sick."  
  
Make her sick? I'm getting a migraine listening to this. Where's my Tylenol?  
  
"But, isn't that good that Max and Tess are together, then wouldn't the world not end?"  
  
"Technically, yes, but I can't help but wish that Max still likes me a tiny bit."  
  
Ah, case a jealous girlfriend.  
  
"I think that you need to talk to Max, Miss Parker. He would probably understand. Now, unfortunately, this session is over. It was very interesting."  
  
Liz thanked me and before she left, she told me. "Don't tell anyone about the aliens…Isabel can invade your dreams, Max can set off any alarm and unlock any lock, Michael has killed a guy and can give you nasty rashes, and Tess, although I hate her, can mindwarp you to make you see things.  
  
Great, another threat!  
  
The Blue Duck: Your idea is great! I might use it…do you mind?  
  
Harini: Hi! I just wanted to say hi! 


End file.
